Not even an hour passed since I fell in bed. Unbelievable! I woke up too early. But it was evening outside. It won’t be less a couple of hours before I started feeling the need to leave my home and go out to somewhere; to where, I couldn’t know. That would have killed the fun. In fact, why know anything beforehand? No fun in knowing. Let there be an accident or something at some random time. Let me break down at some odd hour. I would have understood that easily, I would have even laughed at it but knowing something beforehand would instantly turn me off. I never believed in fate. I didn’t believe in anything. That was me, trying to kill choices. That evening or whatever that was, I got up from bed, took a leak, and remembered the time when I was smoking cigarettes. That is not to say that I had given up smoking. I give up nothing. Only I didn’t feel the need to smoke. But that evening, while taking a leak, I must have felt the need of something terrible happening, otherwise the thought of smoking a cigarette wouldn’t have crossed my mind. I walked back to my bed, opened the window, looked at my garden. How beautiful it was, how dry, deteriorating. I was wearing nothing, didn’t feel the need to wear anything, and I was typing words after words and that felt good.
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