Tomic Riter

Tag: absurd

  • Understanding Your Feelings: A Path to Emotional Clarity

    Understanding Your Feelings: A Path to Emotional Clarity

    I wasn’t too busy. In fact, I had ample time to write something every evening. No, I wasn’t busy. I just have this strange feeling. I feel as if I am starving for something I cannot put into words. I feel like I haven’t felt anything in quite some time. This isn’t about love. No. This is something else. I could blame my boring day job for this feeling. But blaming doesn’t help me in any way. I don’t want to dwell on who to blame and how much to blame. I want to understand this feeling and it’s not easy. I don’t know where to begin to understand this feeling. It has been with me for so long now, like a shadow. I want to understand this feeling and I want to feel better. I want to feel good. Is that too much to ask for in today’s world? To feel good?

    – Tomic

  • Another day: A Poem

    Another day: A Poem

    today,
    nobody came to fight at work
    nobody complained about anything
    no loud noises
    no arguments
    nobody talked to anybody
    nobody ate or drank
    nobody sang songs
    nobody danced in the dark
    nobody hated anybody
    nobody loved
    I came home with nothing
    another day
    nothing happened
    nothing at all.

    Copyright ©Tomic. All rights reserved,
  • Long Week and the Need for a Vacation: Weekly post

    Long Week and the Need for a Vacation: Weekly post

    Today is Monday. For a moment I thought it’s wednesday. Damn. This one’s going to be a long long week. The good part is that I work for only four out of six days. I need a really long vacation away from here. I need a new place with new faces around me. No work. Just slow hours passing slowly. Me having a few drinks in the evening until time to get in warm bed and sleep. Much is happening in the world. Much more happening with me. I’m burdened beyond anything. I don’t know where my days are going. Damn. Eight months are almost over. I’ve done nothing. Nothing. Now, listening to Cohen. I love his voice and his poetry. He was a solid man.

    Today is Sunday. Night already. I thought I’d write something here every day. I failed. I hadn’t much time in this week. I did manage to write more regularly. I travelled but not too far from home. I had two short trips. I’ve started giving more time to photography as well. I’m cutting down on my drinking habits. I’ve stopped smoking cigarettes. September is soon. By October, I would love to bring my life back on fast track. Now, listening to Dylan. His voice takes me to a place that’s peaceful.

    – Tomic

  • In the sky tonight: A poem

    In the sky tonight: A poem

    in the sky tonight
    moon is round and bright
    too round
    too bright
    the witches on earth
    looking up at it
    with hair open and clothes off
    and eyes wide
    and asses swaying
    as if summoning the electric current
    unbelievable!

    Copyright ©Tomic. All rights reserved.

  • Ramblings: Man alone

    Ramblings: Man alone

    Man is burdened with work. He is alone and sick. He cannot share anything with anybody. Nobody to share things with. He is just so alone and so sad. Each evening, he waits for the work to get over so that he can go home and be alone for the rest of night. He can go anywhere at night, be anyone at night. But he is just too tired. He doesn’t want anything. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. He doesn’t want good wishes or consolations or motivation. He wants his bed and he wants some rest. His spine aches, his mouth runs dry, his eyes are hurting all the time. He knows that the morning isn’t far. It’s on the way and like a demon, it’s coming right at him. He doesn’t want to think about the morning and about work. He hates work. He wants to give up and run away to some strange land and live on bare minimum. He wants to spend time in divine company. He is tired of running and hurting. He wants to take everything slow. He is waiting. Waiting. Waiting. He is waiting for the right time to leave everything behind. How would he know that the right time has come? How? I’ve got no clue. I’m as lost as he is, probably more.

    – Tomic

  • Battling Addiction: One Day at a Time

    Man in leather jacket drinking coffee beside a café window

    Slept around 4:55 am. Woke up at around 5:15 pm today. What’s wrong with me. When I tried to wake up, my back started aching badly. It felt as if an infection is travelling upwards through the spine and not letting me move. It was a strange sensation.

    Haven’t smoked in a day. I feel the urge to smoke but I won’t. Or maybe just one. No I won’t. Just one maybe. No. Just one. Won’t. One. No way. No fucking way.

    The fight is ugly and real. I’m closing my eyes and listening to something pleasant. I love the music of Hermanos Gutierrez. It captures that fleeting feeling. It captures that long stretch of time when nothing much gets done and days feel the same and the observer is doing what he does best – observing.

    9:05 pm. Sleep won’t come tonight. I know it won’t. The weather brings nothing except melancholy. Man is sick but he can’t rest. There’s much to do. There’s people to look after. There’s duty to carry out. Man is sick and dying. Sometimes he finds rest only in his grave.

    – Tomic

  • Late Night Reflections: Nature and Nostalgia

    Yesterday evening at around 5:30, I went to the river. Sat there for almost three hours. When I looked at the gently flowing river, I felt my heartbeat slowing. I’m glad that there are places in nature that offer such silence. It isn’t the kind of silence that one fears. I sat near the flowing waters and meditated. Before last couple of months, I used to go there every weekend. I missed going there and yesterday evening, I was so glad to be back there.

    Sometimes the evidence of divine is experienced but not in the ways in which a logical mind would understand. Not everything in this world seems logical. I feel that not everything in this world has to be logical. The most bizarre experiences of our lives keep challenging our logical frameworks. When I sat near the river with closed eyes, I felt this profound stillness within me. Everything fell quiet.

    After sunset, I drove to a bar nearby. Had a beer and roasted fish while I listened to some old melodies from the 90s. I love to sit in places that do not bother me. I love cafes and eateries that aren’t too crowded, and so I do not have to be in a rush to eat and pay bill and leave. I like to take my time. I like to observe things around me. I like to talk a bit with strangers. I do not want to do much of other stuff.

    I returned home at around 9 at night. On my laptop, I saw these people from the 8th century raiding and massacring everywhere. They’re popularly known as Vikings. Not much of anything else was done that night.

    – Tomic

  • Embracing the Ordinary: Thoughts from the Bathroom

    Man sitting on toilet with head resting on hand in contemplation

    Like a pig I slept. It’s 12:46 noon now and I think I didn’t get enough sleep. I fell asleep some time after 2:30 in the morning. I usually fall asleep around midnight. Yesterday night, something kept me busy.

    12:48 noon. Im sitting on the toilet seat, wondering where to go next from here. I’d rather sleep a bit more but I shouldn’t. Hunger pangs in my stomach. I should take a shower, get dressed and go out.

    12:53 noon. Nothing else makes me happier than taking a proper sh*t in the morning without much struggle. Sometimes when you take a huge dump, you start feeling somewhat dizzy in your head. Strange!

    12:55 noon. Listening to Memora by Gesafflstein. He is an amazing artist. I admire his music and come back to it from time to time.

    12:58. Time to exercise a bit, not much. These muscles need some movement. Lower back is hurting as usual. Feels incurable. I hope it isn’t.

    – Tomic

  • Reflections on a Foggy Night

    How hard can it be to close eyes and simply sit. Speaking of eyes, my eyes are heavy with sleep. And yet, tonight, I want to write something.

    Now, 11:00 at night. Today, a friend’s birthday. Yesterday, he met with an accident while he was riding his motorcycle. At around 11:30 yesterday night, four of us drove to the spot of accident and somehow brought his damaged motorcycle home, parked it.

    Yesterday night, the fog was thick. Those ghostly roads were without any heart. Luckily, we came back without trouble. Upon returning, I found that my clothes were damp with mist. I looked towards the flyover that ran across the highway. The bright streetlights dimmed by thick fog. Fog was flowing on the highway like white river. The headlights of passing vehicles looked like floating candles or lamps.

    Later that night, I woke up around 2:45 and ran to the toilet and screamed with my mouth in the commode.

    – Tomic

  • Reflections on Life: Embracing Small Moments

    Went to sleep at 5 in the morning. The entire night was spent in this small cafe with a couple of knows faces, discussing about small mindedness, mental health, curiosity, depression among other things.

    Around 4:45 in the morning, the fog started settling over the town. I wished to drive back home, bring my camera and come back and click a few pictures. When I got home at 5:00 in the morning and finally laid down, I couldn’t help but close my eyes. I had put an alarm to wake up at 6:30 in the morning to take my camera and go outside. I woke up at 3:00 in noon and finally got up from bed at 5:00 in the evening. All my day gone sleeping.

    Every man struggles. Every man struggles. Every man struggles. It’s why I never say anything about someone else. It’s why I never form opinions about someone else. in fact, It just doesn’t make sense to me to form opinions anymore.

    I live my life. I like to remain busy with my own learnings and unlearnings of life. Now that I understand things in a better way, I’ve grown quieter. I understand perspectives that may not be my own. Now, I can feel just how vast the universe is and I’m just this small piece of life in it, significant nonetheless. And even if I’m not significant, I’m happy to be here. For now, that is enough for me.

    Tonight, fog settles over the town much earlier. Now, it’s 11:00 at night. Maybe I’ll wait a couple of hours more before heading out with my camera.

    – Tomic