Tomic Riter

Tag: absurd

  • Exploring new ventures : Thoughts from a shop backroom

    Been away for a long time. A while ago, I was sitting with this friend of mine in his shop’s backroom. We were talking about how something must be done soon. About what, we couldn’t say. But something must be done. That much is clear. It is as if everything has come to a standstill. It is as if we are alive but we do not feel so. Something, hence, must be done to feel alive.

    But what. Should we start a new business. Should we make a youtube channel like many others. Should we make an instagram travel account. Should we start vlogging. The thing is that it isn’t enough to start something. The question is why start anything at all. What is compelling us to take on something new. Maybe because we are capable of doing far more that what we are currently doing.

    Our conversation was cut short by the arrival of a third man, a nuisance, a menace to the society in general. At that point, we stopped talking. We let the third man talk. He was angry at something. About what, I didn’t wish to know. A million things anger me, but it’s not anyone’s business. Only mine.

    Soon, the third man left. Our conversation couldn’t resume immediately upon his leaving. Something about that space had changed. Maybe our moods changed. Maybe we were too exhausted from the routine that we were unable to talk further.

    Soon, the clock struck 9 o’clock. We got up, walked out of the shop, locked it behind us and we drove back to our homes as quietly as we could.

    – Tomic

  • Resilient Journey: Walking Home with a Fractured Thumb

    Resilient Journey: Walking Home with a Fractured Thumb

    Today was another bad day. I woke up very late with pain in my thumb. Somehow, I fractured it a few days ago. I was in another town and one rainy morning, I slipped and fell on my ass while I was strolling downhill. A couple of folks gathered around me and helped me in getting up.

    ‘You ok man? Did you hurt yourself?’ asked a folk.

    ‘Oh I’m ok. I’m ok. Nothing serious. I think I can walk fine’ I replied as I stood up and brushed the dust and wet mud off my joggers and t-shirt with my palms.

    I was wrong of course. It did hurt when I started to walk but I kept walking quietly. I didn’t ask for help. Generally, I ask for help only when the situation is dire. I have got endurance like no one else. I can take any kind of hurt now. I can observe my own pain and not feel stressed about it. So I kept walking and after walking for an hour, I reached home.

    Upon reaching home, as I got into cold shower, it began to hurt in more places. As I dried myself with a towel, I felt my right leg hurting from top to down. As I lay down in my bed for some time, I could feel the pain sedate me. When my eyes opened up a couple of hours later, I couldn’t manage to even sit on the bed. I got down the bed somehow, and despite all the hurting, I got dressed and went on another stroll uphill.

    The next morning, the pain was excruciating and I decided to go on a short trek through the woods. When I reached the top of the hill, I had unbearable pain in my body but when I saw the view of the hills and the incessant rain over the hills and the fog settling down on the whole city, I felt at ease. I sat there for three hours, doing nothing, witnessing the crazy rain wash everything. Then as the dusk came, I began my walk downhill. It was raining still. By then, my right palm was swollen. I guess I fell too hard on it.

    © Tomic. All rights reserved.

  • The things I remember – a reflection on self

    The things I remember – a reflection on self

    I remember walking uphill. I remember beautiful symphonies. I remember the taste of bad beer and bad wine. I remember taking a nap under the sky while I lay on a huge boulder with a valley of emptiness beneath me. I remember feeling no pain then. I remember crying in closed rooms and then walking out of them without a trace of sadness on my face. I remember gulping down my anger. I remember feeling pissed off with the idiocy and hypocrisy of people everywhere. I remember waking up late every day, demotivated to go to work. I remember pain. I remember being in love. I remember my enemies well. I remember their hatred towards me. I remember being made fun of. I remember being nothing. I remember being a nobody. I remember this night when I get to writing once again.

    © Tomic. All rights reserved.

  • The rough start.

    The rough start.

    Almost one month into the year and I can already feel myself failing at my commitments to myself. The beginning has been very rough and quite taxing. I’m slumping. Maybe I should go to the altar and confess all my sins even though it won’t change a thing. Maybe I should just stay quiet and keep doing my thing. Maybe I should run away from everything like the coward that I am. Maybe there’s a god for each one of us. Maybe it’s time to hit the bottom and begin from there anew.

    – Tomic. All rights reserved.

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  • How hard is it really.

    How hard is it really.

    How hard is it to make two people talk. How hard could it be. How hard could the hardest of our problems really be. Do they have anything in them? Or maybe we just couldn’t talk about them. Why burden somebody with the weight of our own problems. Imagine a big circle, and anybody could come there and sit inside the circle and just talk about their problems. Sometimes, talking about the problems aloud helps to understand them in a better way. And without understanding our problems, how can solutions be found.

    – Tomic. All rights reserved.

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  • Nausea.

    Nausea.

    Why do I wake up with this damned feeling. I can’t feel my wings. I know they are there. Why am I living with this damned feeling. I’m paying for my sins. There’s a cost to going mad and staying that way. I lay down and try to breathe. Something hollow is growing inside of me. A sinking feeling. I do not wish to fall sick again. I want to fly. Well, that’s far fetched. I want to feel good again. I want this curse lifted off of me. It’s been very long.

    – Tomic. All rights reserved.

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  • Consistency.

    Consistency is the key. To keep doing it everyday no matter what. To take time out for doing it. To keep your vision clear every moment. To visualise your dream every moment. To work towards your vision every moment. To have a single goal and not be wavered from it. To confront your fears every moment, to kick obstacles out of your way. To keep walking ahead no matter what.

    – Tomic. All rights reserved.

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  • Something of my own.

    Something of my own.

    ‘Don’t you want to share something of your own tonight? I mean everybody else is sharing something of their own. What about you?’

    ‘I don’t know. Share what?’ I replied.

    ‘Something that you might have written? I’ve heard that you write. Or you might sing a song for us.’

    ‘Oh no. No singing songs for me. I love listening to them, not singing them. As far as sharing something of what I have written, I can’t do it even if I want to. I don’t remember anything of what I have written. I write in the moment mostly’ I replied.

    The man heard me, laid back and continued drinking. A minute later, he said, ‘The reason I asked you to share something is that I’ve been looking at you since quite some time and I think there’s pain in you and you might want to share it.’

    ‘Everybody is in pain. That’s not important’ I replied with a smile.

    – Tomic. All rights reserved.

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  • Rain down.

    Rain down.

    I would like to remind you little bit of what I am. What am I. Let’s leave the question for a moment. Let’s focus on something else. On what? Let’s stop focusing on anything for a while. Let’s sit quietly for a while. Eyes closed. Breathing as normally as you can. Can you hear the faint noise of fresh rain? I can. The raindrops are falling and falling and falling, probably wetting everything. I want to walk out of my room and see. I refuse to walk out. I walk out. The rain has stopped now. I walk downstairs, stand there, watch the floor, now wet, reflecting bar lights. I look around. Drunkards everywhere getting in getting out. I scratch my beard and walk back upstairs and into my room.

    – Tomic. All rights reserved.

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  • Waiting for the night.

    Waiting for the night.

    Every morning, I wake up and start waiting for the night. All of day time is just time wasted. It hurts me but I cannot do anything much about it. That hurts too. It isn’t until late hours of night when I finally get to sit in my space. My very own space. A small room with a table and two chairs and a table lamp and a couch on which I fall at the very end until sleep comes. I put on some music, write a bit, read a bit, just lay down often. A pile of books is waiting to be read. I haven’t read much in the past couple of years. Yes, that’s right. It’s changing now. I’m reading again.

    Yesterday, I read this beautiful line. ‘Illness shortens the distance between a man and a woman.’ The book is Snow Country by Yaaunari Kawabata, a Japanese writer. The line reminded me of my mother and father and an incident from a decade ago. I will write about the incident some other time.

    Night is here. I’m sitting in my chair, typing. My back aches and so do my arms. I’ve forgotten to put on some music. Strange. There are still a couple of hours to kill before I throw myself on the couch.

    – Tomic. All rightd reserved.

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