I’m trying to make a sense of all this madness that has surrounded me recently. It is a fact that I didn’t ask for any of it. Also, the amount that I’m getting paid to face all this sheer madness isn’t fair. I deserve more. Forget about the money. I deserve quiet more than anything else. At the same time, I think that I deserve the worst, or maybe I deserve nothing. I’m at a spot where I want to punish myself and I want the biggest rewards to myself. Also, I do not loathe punishments and I do not work for rewards. All of this looks like a phase of transition to me. It’s painful to the mind. Endlessly painful. It’s no surprise that I make it out alive every morning. I work hard for it. I am my biggest support. I try to stay clear-headed in any situation. It is something that comes at its own cost.
But all this madness makes me wonder now, ‘Why all this! And why with me!’ No, I do not complain. I’m just tired, too exhausted to even keep my eyes open. I’m exhausted and I’m hungry. Yeah, I think it’s that. Give me food and water and let me go to sleep.
– Tomic
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