Tomic Riter

Tag: journal

  • Long Week and the Need for a Vacation: Weekly post

    Long Week and the Need for a Vacation: Weekly post

    Today is Monday. For a moment I thought it’s wednesday. Damn. This one’s going to be a long long week. The good part is that I work for only four out of six days. I need a really long vacation away from here. I need a new place with new faces around me. No work. Just slow hours passing slowly. Me having a few drinks in the evening until time to get in warm bed and sleep. Much is happening in the world. Much more happening with me. I’m burdened beyond anything. I don’t know where my days are going. Damn. Eight months are almost over. I’ve done nothing. Nothing. Now, listening to Cohen. I love his voice and his poetry. He was a solid man.

    Today is Sunday. Night already. I thought I’d write something here every day. I failed. I hadn’t much time in this week. I did manage to write more regularly. I travelled but not too far from home. I had two short trips. I’ve started giving more time to photography as well. I’m cutting down on my drinking habits. I’ve stopped smoking cigarettes. September is soon. By October, I would love to bring my life back on fast track. Now, listening to Dylan. His voice takes me to a place that’s peaceful.

    – Tomic

  • Finding Inspiration: Lessons from 9 Years of Writing

    Finding Inspiration: Lessons from 9 Years of Writing

    Each night, as I sit to write, something always comes out. Isn’t that strange. I’ve never not been able to write so far. There’s always something to write.

    The year was 2017 and now it’s 2026. I’ve been writing regularly for nine years now. On and off. Mostly on though. I’ve got two published poetry books. Besides that, more than thousand poems scattered here and there. And still, as I sit to type, something always comes out on the paper. I find it quite strange.

    Sometimes I wonder from where all of this comes, the things that I write. Personal experiences of course. But it isn’t just that. I believe one must get out there and put himself in all kinds of situations. It demands certain courage and not just that. It demands a certain level of madness too. Were I not a bit mad, I’d just stay indoors and eat and sleep and one day, die. But I don’t want that. I want conversations, experiences, challenges. I want to earn a good long sleep.

    But not each day goes in the way in which I want it to go. Most days are spent doing slave work. It hurts. Hurts a lot! But such is the situation sometimes. One’s got to do stuff to get money so that one may live a little of the life that one wants to live. And one does all of this while getting hurt. Absurd but true. Life is absurd. Is it so difficult to live the kind of life that one wants to live everyday?

    I don’t know. I cannot say much about that. I believe that life is to be lived well, and it is to be lived so despite failures and successes.

    But why am I suddenly talking about life. I was talking about my writing journey and suddenly I started talking about life. I think that such is life. It seeps into everything, into all the aspects. Life is one and whole and should be lived so.

    – Tomic

  • The Struggle of Waking Up Early: A Personal Journey

    The Struggle of Waking Up Early: A Personal Journey

    I had to wake up early this morning but I couldn’t. I had to wake up early yesterday morning but I couldn’t. I had to wake up early on all the mornings before and I didn’t. I couldn’t. Do you understand how it feels to wake up failing?

    During the day, the mind keeps itself busy at work. The work continues for most of the evening. It is only after late evening that I begin to regret for not waking up early morning. There are tasks that are better done early morning than late night. Walking. Exercising. Writing a bit. Reading a bit. Meditating on a form.

    Once I’m back from work, my body is tired. My eyes hurt. My mind feels heavy. Severe back pain. All I care about is eating and resting. I am unable to put my body and mind to another heavy activity. I just want to sit in my chair, listen to good music, maybe have a drink or two, and when it’s time to lay in bed, I lay in bed and close my eyes.

    Every morning I put three alarms and I fail to get up from bed on all three. I hope that I wake up early tomorrow morning and break this dumb cycle. I believe that a productive early morning would lead to a much more fulfilling day.

    – Tomic

  • Late Night Reflections: Nature and Nostalgia

    Yesterday evening at around 5:30, I went to the river. Sat there for almost three hours. When I looked at the gently flowing river, I felt my heartbeat slowing. I’m glad that there are places in nature that offer such silence. It isn’t the kind of silence that one fears. I sat near the flowing waters and meditated. Before last couple of months, I used to go there every weekend. I missed going there and yesterday evening, I was so glad to be back there.

    Sometimes the evidence of divine is experienced but not in the ways in which a logical mind would understand. Not everything in this world seems logical. I feel that not everything in this world has to be logical. The most bizarre experiences of our lives keep challenging our logical frameworks. When I sat near the river with closed eyes, I felt this profound stillness within me. Everything fell quiet.

    After sunset, I drove to a bar nearby. Had a beer and roasted fish while I listened to some old melodies from the 90s. I love to sit in places that do not bother me. I love cafes and eateries that aren’t too crowded, and so I do not have to be in a rush to eat and pay bill and leave. I like to take my time. I like to observe things around me. I like to talk a bit with strangers. I do not want to do much of other stuff.

    I returned home at around 9 at night. On my laptop, I saw these people from the 8th century raiding and massacring everywhere. They’re popularly known as Vikings. Not much of anything else was done that night.

    – Tomic

  • What It Means to Be Your Own Boss and Munch on Growth Seeds.

    A major part of today was spent thinking about how to be my own boss. A major part of yesterday was spent thinking about how to be my own boss. But what does it mean to be one’s own boss.

    As I sit and think more about what it actually means, my mind wanders in more than one direction. For some, being one’s own boss means not doing a salaried job. For some, being one’s own boss means being able to do a certain job in one’s own way or with minimal outside intervention.

    For me, being my own boss means being able to work day and night and build my own empire in my own way and in the process, generating enough wealth for a decent living without being dependent on a salaried job in any way.

    Yeah. There. I said it in the best lines that I can. In a way, I’ve always been my own boss because I’ve always approached a task or a problem in my own way. I hardly ever run to anyone else for help, not because I would feel small, but because, most of the time, I do not feel the need to go to anyone for help. I figure out my problems in my own ways.

    So lately, I’m back to burning the midnight oil. Despite hardships, some things must be done. Isn’t it so? I suppose it’s my time of doing things. It’s time to push into a new direction for a renewed growth.

    I’m glad that apart from this dim lamp on my humble table in my midnight room, I’ve got these crunchy sunflower seeds to chew on as I think and act and dissect my bygone days and minutes and seasons. Munching on these sunflower seeds along with listening to some slow classical music sends me in this drowsy state in which the possibility of creating something increases tenfolds. Here’s the link to the seeds I recently bought if you wanna check out!

    NATURE PRIME SUNFLOWER SEEDS.

    CLICK HERE TO BUY ON AMAZON TODAY

    Now, it’s 00:18 hours. The whole town seems to be asleep except the few mad ones. And look at me. I have slept for only three hours in the last 36 hours. My eyes are half shut. But I keep munching on these seeds and I keep listening to Chopin. Not every night is like this night. Why isn’t every night like this night. To be frank, I am glad that it isn’t.

    – Tomic

    Leaving here this marvellous piece of music by Chopin –

  • Exploring new ventures : Thoughts from a shop backroom

    Been away for a long time. A while ago, I was sitting with this friend of mine in his shop’s backroom. We were talking about how something must be done soon. About what, we couldn’t say. But something must be done. That much is clear. It is as if everything has come to a standstill. It is as if we are alive but we do not feel so. Something, hence, must be done to feel alive.

    But what. Should we start a new business. Should we make a youtube channel like many others. Should we make an instagram travel account. Should we start vlogging. The thing is that it isn’t enough to start something. The question is why start anything at all. What is compelling us to take on something new. Maybe because we are capable of doing far more that what we are currently doing.

    Our conversation was cut short by the arrival of a third man, a nuisance, a menace to the society in general. At that point, we stopped talking. We let the third man talk. He was angry at something. About what, I didn’t wish to know. A million things anger me, but it’s not anyone’s business. Only mine.

    Soon, the third man left. Our conversation couldn’t resume immediately upon his leaving. Something about that space had changed. Maybe our moods changed. Maybe we were too exhausted from the routine that we were unable to talk further.

    Soon, the clock struck 9 o’clock. We got up, walked out of the shop, locked it behind us and we drove back to our homes as quietly as we could.

    – Tomic

  • The rough start.

    The rough start.

    Almost one month into the year and I can already feel myself failing at my commitments to myself. The beginning has been very rough and quite taxing. I’m slumping. Maybe I should go to the altar and confess all my sins even though it won’t change a thing. Maybe I should just stay quiet and keep doing my thing. Maybe I should run away from everything like the coward that I am. Maybe there’s a god for each one of us. Maybe it’s time to hit the bottom and begin from there anew.

    – Tomic. All rights reserved.

    CLICK HERE TO VISIT MY AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE AND PURCHASE MY BOOKS

  • How hard is it really.

    How hard is it really.

    How hard is it to make two people talk. How hard could it be. How hard could the hardest of our problems really be. Do they have anything in them? Or maybe we just couldn’t talk about them. Why burden somebody with the weight of our own problems. Imagine a big circle, and anybody could come there and sit inside the circle and just talk about their problems. Sometimes, talking about the problems aloud helps to understand them in a better way. And without understanding our problems, how can solutions be found.

    – Tomic. All rights reserved.

    CLICK HERE TO VISIT MY AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE AND PURCHASE MY BOOKS

  • Nausea.

    Nausea.

    Why do I wake up with this damned feeling. I can’t feel my wings. I know they are there. Why am I living with this damned feeling. I’m paying for my sins. There’s a cost to going mad and staying that way. I lay down and try to breathe. Something hollow is growing inside of me. A sinking feeling. I do not wish to fall sick again. I want to fly. Well, that’s far fetched. I want to feel good again. I want this curse lifted off of me. It’s been very long.

    – Tomic. All rights reserved.

    CLICK HERE TO VISIT MY AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE AND PURCHASE MY BOOKS

  • Consistency.

    Consistency is the key. To keep doing it everyday no matter what. To take time out for doing it. To keep your vision clear every moment. To visualise your dream every moment. To work towards your vision every moment. To have a single goal and not be wavered from it. To confront your fears every moment, to kick obstacles out of your way. To keep walking ahead no matter what.

    – Tomic. All rights reserved.

    CLICK HERE TO VISIT MY AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE AND PURCHASE MY BOOKS