Sleep, terror.

at 3 again at 4 or maybe 4:15 I was trembling and asleep and aware somehow of my trembling something curled next to me sobbing, shouting fighting something under my blanket I was too lazy to open my eyes and come,out of wherever the hell I went to the shouting continued for a moment, I [...]

One more morning.

waking up dizzy surrounded by filth and more filth to the same place I went again I cannot say if the sun rose or the night came yesterday I am haunted by something once again, I have begun to hate myself with my rage-filled brain, I can do nothing this explosion within me has my [...]

Out of another day.

There's no stress. I just keep running out of time. I often think about vomiting blood although I do not wait for such a day. My god has, once again, gone far away. Meeting him is a cumbersome process. Alcohol cannot help every time. I am just too tired to find another way. I wish [...]

A saturday.

I am waiting for a call. I won't go until I am called. Or should I go on my own and put my neck under the blade? No. No. There's still time. What if the call doesn't come. The morning motor is running, the water rushing through convoluted pipes out of the cistern and into [...]

Tea, rain, I.

Less was the least. More could have been much more. In whatever path I have walked are long halls emptied out before my arrival. I can't do a thing other than take a walk and then sit for a while. Rarely somebody comes across and almost never opens his mouth. Whatever I touch is a [...]