Tomic Riter

Tag: existentialism

  • Understanding Your Feelings: A Path to Emotional Clarity

    Understanding Your Feelings: A Path to Emotional Clarity

    I wasn’t too busy. In fact, I had ample time to write something every evening. No, I wasn’t busy. I just have this strange feeling. I feel as if I am starving for something I cannot put into words. I feel like I haven’t felt anything in quite some time. This isn’t about love. No. This is something else. I could blame my boring day job for this feeling. But blaming doesn’t help me in any way. I don’t want to dwell on who to blame and how much to blame. I want to understand this feeling and it’s not easy. I don’t know where to begin to understand this feeling. It has been with me for so long now, like a shadow. I want to understand this feeling and I want to feel better. I want to feel good. Is that too much to ask for in today’s world? To feel good?

    – Tomic

  • Another day: A Poem

    Another day: A Poem

    today,
    nobody came to fight at work
    nobody complained about anything
    no loud noises
    no arguments
    nobody talked to anybody
    nobody ate or drank
    nobody sang songs
    nobody danced in the dark
    nobody hated anybody
    nobody loved
    I came home with nothing
    another day
    nothing happened
    nothing at all.

    Copyright ©Tomic. All rights reserved,
  • Reflections on Non-Eventful Days

    Reflections on Non-Eventful Days

    Hadn’t much to write about yesterday. I worked until late evening, and later, got drunk. Fell asleep. This morning, woke up early. Talked to god for sometime. Took bath. Got dressed and went out for a couple of hours. Couldn’t find anything good to eat. Drove back home. Got in my bed and slept again. Woke up in the evening. Got dressed and stepped out to eat. Looked at the sky. How couldn’t I. The sky was bright orange after a really long time. Took some pictures. I got on my motorcycle and drove to this cafe. Had warm bread with butter. Hot coffee. I paid and drove around the town for some time and then back home. Even when nothing is happening, something is happening.

    – Tomic

  • Reflections on a Foggy Night

    How hard can it be to close eyes and simply sit. Speaking of eyes, my eyes are heavy with sleep. And yet, tonight, I want to write something.

    Now, 11:00 at night. Today, a friend’s birthday. Yesterday, he met with an accident while he was riding his motorcycle. At around 11:30 yesterday night, four of us drove to the spot of accident and somehow brought his damaged motorcycle home, parked it.

    Yesterday night, the fog was thick. Those ghostly roads were without any heart. Luckily, we came back without trouble. Upon returning, I found that my clothes were damp with mist. I looked towards the flyover that ran across the highway. The bright streetlights dimmed by thick fog. Fog was flowing on the highway like white river. The headlights of passing vehicles looked like floating candles or lamps.

    Later that night, I woke up around 2:45 and ran to the toilet and screamed with my mouth in the commode.

    – Tomic

  • Reflections on Life: Embracing Small Moments

    Went to sleep at 5 in the morning. The entire night was spent in this small cafe with a couple of knows faces, discussing about small mindedness, mental health, curiosity, depression among other things.

    Around 4:45 in the morning, the fog started settling over the town. I wished to drive back home, bring my camera and come back and click a few pictures. When I got home at 5:00 in the morning and finally laid down, I couldn’t help but close my eyes. I had put an alarm to wake up at 6:30 in the morning to take my camera and go outside. I woke up at 3:00 in noon and finally got up from bed at 5:00 in the evening. All my day gone sleeping.

    Every man struggles. Every man struggles. Every man struggles. It’s why I never say anything about someone else. It’s why I never form opinions about someone else. in fact, It just doesn’t make sense to me to form opinions anymore.

    I live my life. I like to remain busy with my own learnings and unlearnings of life. Now that I understand things in a better way, I’ve grown quieter. I understand perspectives that may not be my own. Now, I can feel just how vast the universe is and I’m just this small piece of life in it, significant nonetheless. And even if I’m not significant, I’m happy to be here. For now, that is enough for me.

    Tonight, fog settles over the town much earlier. Now, it’s 11:00 at night. Maybe I’ll wait a couple of hours more before heading out with my camera.

    – Tomic

  • When Productivity Fades: A Reflection on Tiredness

    I’d rather lay down on the floor in shavasana and wait for sleep. Now, sitting in my chair and typing and listening to this raga called Raga Malkauns. My eyes half closed, as if someone drugged me.

    The day has changed. Today is Wednesday. What happened last night after my eyes closed. I do not remember anything other than that I got up from my chair and laid down on the floor, with my back straight and my arms straight. I do not remember my eyes closing. I was tired. Too tired. So tired that no writing got done yesterday and no songs were heard late night.

    Today went in vain. A plant has died. I’m covered in dirt. The never-stopping rain has messed up with my mind. Listening to this relaxing raga. It’s nine minutes past midnight. The lamp light hurts my eyes. I turn it off. Minutes pass. Coldness has filled the space. Eyes become heavier. Heavier. Heavier still.

    – Tomic

  • The Transformative Power of Classical Music

    Listening to this raga late night. The atmosphere of the room is so relaxing. I’m dozing off while I’m sitting in my chair. There’s something magical about this music. I do not know what it is. I just want to sit back and feel the music and let go of everything. Few minutes back, I fell asleep in my chair. The music was like lullaby in my ears. Now, yawning. Again. Again. And again. One more time. This music is the purest narcotic there is. I’m transported to some place else. Rather, this place is transformed into some other, more magical and more magnificent place. I wish I broke down into tears now. It would feel amazing to break down into tears now. I wish to cry for hours. I think it along with this music can purify me.

    No tears last night. Another day now. It’s evening now. Sitting naked in my chair. Listening to this beautiful raga by Sultan Khan and Zakir Hussain. Rag Bhupali. It’s an evening raga. There’s music that’s made from the threads of human consciousness. This is one such piece of music. When you listen to it, it deposits deep in your spiritual core. It touches you in places you never thought you had within you. Imagine the world has ended and you are floating in this infinite emptiness and suddenly you get filled with this pleasant feeling. If there’s a path to feel the divine energy through music, I think it’s through the path of classical music. No modern music seems to reach in those places within us.

    A call. Need to leave this here as it is.

    – Tomic

    Spotify link to the track Rag Bhupali –

  • From Rain to Restaurant: A Night Out in the Downpour

    that day, I had drenched in rain twice already
    the damned rain
    I was sick of it
    give me desert
    throw me in the hot sands of Thar
    I was saying all this to myself
    rather, I was screaming 
    but the sky doesn't hear
    the sky is deaf and stupid
    and it won't stop crying until it's done
    tired of getting drenched, I stopped at
    a friend's shop late evening 
    and sat for a while
    'Nothing seems to be working out'
    said my friend to me while we sat and talked
    'Seems so' I replied
    he ordered coffee, a cup, just one
    the coffee came soon and I drank it
    it was still raining
    soon, a car arrived and my friend hopped in
    and they drove away, all four of them
    who they were, I had no idea
    I waited for a couple of minutes
    outside the shop in total darnkess
    it was still raining
    I said screw it and got on my motorcycle
    I drove to my favorite restaurant in town,
    a small one where not many came at night
    I sat, there was no electricity
    it was still raining
    'Eggs?' I asked the owner
    'Only chicken and fish tonight' he replied
    'Fish' I said
    I put on my earphones
    classical piano
    I needed classical on such nights
    I closed my eyes for a minute and listened
    a voice called my name
    I opened eyes, saw a friend sitting
    opposite to me
    'Tired?' he asked
    'Tired of rain, yeah. I want it
    fucking gone now' I replied
    'Yeah it has kind of spoilt the mood' he said
    we talked a bit
    fish came soon
    looked superb as always, roasted 
    'Fish of smaller waters is tastier' he said
    'That's very true' I said
    I ate slowly
    took me an hour maybe more
    it was still raining outside
    we talked about Indian classical music
    while I chewed on the soft bones
    of the delicious fish
    soon, a bouncer-like figure walked in, sat,
    waited for his takeaway, took it, paid
    and left
    'He's the bodyguard of a don' said my friend
    'Looks like it' I said
    I finished eating, my friend got up and left
    where he went, I had no clue
    I paid the bill
    it was still raining
    'How do I withdraw cash from my account
    if I do not have a card?' the owner asked
    as I started leaving
    'Why do you think I know the answer.
    I do not' I said
    it was still raining
    I ran outside to my motorcycle, sat and drove 
    back to home.

    - Tomic

  • Late one evening.

    thought I got rid of the pain
it's back again and it's back late
in the evening when almost all is done
and I am about to retire to my corner,
the frigid corner of my home
Johnny Cash sings Highwayman from his grave
the charm lives on, the melody
melodious than ever and you want something
like that when you're in this kind of pain
an evening warmer than the ones that passed
my love is in the other hemisphere
drowning with sunset
my nights do not make me tremble anymore.

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  • Another such night.

    it was another of those nights
when I did not know of my whereabouts
another such night of intoxication
I can do better, only I lack reason
why do better when this isn't that bad
what am I trying to forget
what am I running from.

Copyright © Tomic Riter. All rights reserved.

    CLICK HERE TO VISIT MY AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE AND PURCHASE MY BOOKS